King crisps

These King crisps from Ireland state that they are 'simply superior'. This is a very surprising statement considering the competition in Ireland given by the leading manufacturer Taytos.

In my opinion Taytos crisps are far superior, in taste, colour and quality of potatoes used. I am therefore wondering in what way do King crisps think they are simply superior, and in comparison to what. Obviously they are superior to any Australian crisps, but this is not hard as all Australian crisps (chips) are generally vile.

This is not an issue which is causing huge amounts of visible community anger here in Canberra, but certainly there is a sense of simmering tension. Whether that tension boils over into scenes of violence that nobody wants to see, is a matter of some conjecture.

Considering that Canberrans must travel to Sydney (as I did) or other State capitals to get these crisps (above) in speciality stores, is certainly a factor in controlling public disquiet. Most Canberrans are not even aware that there are foreign crisps available to be bought in Australia.
If they were aware of the quality that is available elsewhere, they would almost certainly be digging up the firearms they buried during the gun buyback of 1997.

If they then discovered there was a brand of crisp claiming to be simply superior, when quite clearly they are not (in a like comparison), it is almost certain that there would be a crisis of confidence in the whole structure of Australian society.

I am not saying that King crisps are going to cause such a crisis as was caused by the failings of the US Subprime market, but certainly when confidence in institutions is shattered there is always the chance of a catastrophic economic meltdown. While collapse of the Australian markets will not seemingly have an effect on the rest of the world, apart from a reduction in the price of some raw materials, I think King crisps should try and stem wild speculation.

Little known British crisp facts

Little known facts about Hula Hoops

1. Hula Hoops were the favourite salted snack of musician Marc Bolan


2. The 1976 IMF bailout crisis in Britain was caused by false calculations made by then Chancellor of the Exchequer Dennis Healey whilst using Hula Hoops in a rudimentary self made abacus (it has been suggested that Joe Gormley the Trades Union leader had eaten one of the Hula Hoops during a meeting thus throwing off calculations by a decimal point)


3. Contrary to popular belief the hole within Hula Hoops if enlarged will not create a time portal


4. It is acceptable within canon law to marry using Hula Hoops as rings


5. The fact that Hula Hoops were first sold on the very day that JFK was assassinated is purely coincidental


6. Hula Hoops are not as cheesy as Quavers

Little known facts about Quavers

1. Since the accession of President Hugo Chavez in 1999, Quavers have been banned in Venezuela (although a thriving black market now exists catering to snack 'addicts')


2. The shape of Quavers is an actual representation of the single helix, and as such is one of the four Signs of God


3. Conversely, Quavers do not form part of any Illuminati conspiracy


4. Despite their name Quavers cannot actually be 'played'


5. Quavers were the official team sponsor of the England squad for the 1978 World Cup in Argentina. Following England’s failure to qualify, Quavers have never again been accepted for any football sponsorship


6. Quavers are more cheesy than Hula Hoops, but less cheesy than Wotsits

Crisp packet emergency

Have been kidnapped by FARC, please send above crisps immediately to secret address in Canberra.

UPDATE 09.00 hours AEST: Negotiations continue. Wotsits due for arrival April 2009. Crisp emergency still ongoing.

UPDATE 20.00 hours AEST: Topic bars x3 on way. Negotiations continue. Crisp emergency still ongoing.

UPDATE 11-03-09 14.00 hours AEST: Topic bars x3 arrived, prompting great joy, unfortunately circumstances have made the eating of them currently impossible. Negotiations continue. Crisp emergency still ongoing.

UPDATE 12-03-09 08.00 hours AEST: Negotiations have stalled. Captors are planning on allowing me to make a trip to Sydney to buy crisps, exact date unconfirmed. Crisp emergency still ongoing.

UPDATE 12-03-09 21.00 hours AEST: Topic bars x3 consumed. Sydney trip provisionally scheduled 22nd March. Crisp emergency still ongoing.

UPDATE 23-03-09 22.00 hours AEST: Sydney trip successfully concluded. Crisps slightly disappointing, chocolate above expectations. Release by FARC imminent. Crisp emergency over.

1970s Crisp Packets

Happy memories in every bag! well apart from the meat ones, natch. The Fangs too were awful tasting, the Chipmunks I had forgotten about and were very nice (and look at the price 3p). Unfortunately there is no Murphy's crisp packet, they were easily the best crisps of the time, and of course the first to produce a Cheese and Onion crisp.

- sorry I missed the photo credit and now can't find it on Flickr, even from the photo link


Crisps are of course in general the favoured snack of the junk food vegetarian/vegan, for more on the subject of the miraculous potato wafer see here.